reflection

this week was beautiful here in SF, and smoothe sailing on my biking commute to work. right now, i'm sitting at the Atlas Cafe (near my house in the Mission), and the sky is threatening to release it's moisture over the plastic canopy of this patio. yesterday, my boss, co-worker and i went to happy hour for margaritas, and later i met up with a former co-worker for a lil' dancin at Milk (in the Haight). the day before, i met up with two former co-workers at the Zeitgeist for some beers and tamales. (it was my first time there.) wednesday, i went to a much-needed yoga session, which helped me recenter my emotionally-distracted heart. it was a good challenge to have Noah accompany me to the class, because i'm realizing that my relationships can sometimes throw me off track and get my emotions all tied up into knots. i recognize that i need to focus on my own path, amid others' wayward journeys through life. to cope, here are my current mantras:

(1) timing can feel like our worst enemy but really it's our saving grace.
(2) we must honor ourselves and respect others always.
(3) at the end of the day, we are all we've got in life.

this is not to say that i don't love everyone (b/c i do especially if they let me in) but it is a type of defense mechanism for life... i guess that's the cancer in me... or maybe it's the self-reflective, self-protective, honest, over-observant, heart-filled, introverted and independent part of me that needs a good booty-shakin on the dance floor or another surreal, out-of-body experience in a House of God and/or out on the Playa to get me back on board.

blasé... but in NC!

i'm on the up and up, again, but feeling overworked. two weeks ago, i flew to Winnipeg, Manitoba, for a 4-hour Design Day meeting. last week, i led a playground build with the City of Santa Ana, California. this week, i'm assisting another project manager on her playground project in Charlotte, North Carolina. (yes, i'm in NC again!) next week, i should be home (SF), but after that, i'll be on the road again (to Ogden, UT, Redding, CA, and eventually Sparks, NV)... ah, the life of a KaBOOM! project manager. what's more is that when i am in town, i still bike and take the train everyday to work (SF>Redwood City).

somehow, through all that, i still manage to have a bit of a personal life too.

i spent easter with my brother, his fiance, and their friends, and i also joined them for Food Club (a fancy potluck gathering). (the theme this time was colorful foods, and i made lettuce wraps.)... noah and i saw a very intriguing independent film called "dot the i" (Gael Garcia Bernal), and we went to this art opening/event in SF that had a cabaret, marching band and hip hop DJs... i met up with a very old best friend (from elementary school) when i went down to Santa Ana/Huntington Beach last week... among many other things.

now, i'm in NC for work, but i'm able to visit family and friends while i'm here! i went up to Asheville last weekend, and i'm going up to Boone this weekend. yay! i'm so excited to finally meet my new niece! and to see my brother and sister-in-law, too!... somehow, i've got to finish my taxes before friday, too. yikes.

grrrr

i'm on the down slope of a natural high.

i haven't done any yoga in a long time. i've let the stress of work consume me. my body, soul and mind are aching from causes (cycles and people) out of my control. the love that rejuvenated me last month is on reserve and fading. and, in some cases, i'm holding myself back from being my full, true, beautiful self.

where is the hope?
still in me somewhere, i guess.

birthday

last weekend, i built a playground for The Salvation Army of Pahrump, NV, on my 26th birthday. my supervisor (and Second out for the Build) bought me a cake and a lit-up "Birthday Princess" pin that she made me wear all day. the kids there sang me "Happy Birthday" at the end of the day and totally made my day... that night, i flew back home to SF (mostly b/c i didn't want to celebrate in Vegas) and went out with a few friends for a drink. it was a lot of fun, and it was really great to feel the love... Whitney and a friend, Noah and a friend, and Tony (my brother) and Mardie (his finance)... that night, i felt particularly special.

sunday night, i had several people (14) over to my house for a mini-potluck party/gathering. i love bringing people that i love together, and even more so, i love it when people i love meet each other for the first time. (one person thought that people were "weirded out" b/c he was a complete stranger to them... i told him not to worry b/c we're all strangers to each other at some point.)... i just really enjoy bringing good people together. i only wish is that someday i could somehow bring everyone i love together! THAT would be the most incredible party ever!

my Pahrump playground build

From: Melanie Barnes (my supervisor)
Sent: Tuesday, March 22, 2005 2:45 PM

This post build report was written by the fabulous Hope Deifell:

Last Saturday, Hope led a great playground build with Melanie as her awesome Second and with Jonathon Mouer and Jason Meler out from Dave Bang for the installation. Prep Day 1 was relatively smooth, and on Prep Day 2 Hope debuted on "The Andy and Bernie Show" (a Pahrump TV talk show) with Charlie Desiderio, the Salvation Army marketing manager, at her side. Build Day was cold and overcast, but the 5-minute Jazzercise morning warm-up got everyone's blood flowing fast.

Her 12 Build Captains were awesome leaders for the 120 other volunteers on site. About thirty of those adult volunteers and an additional 27 volunteers (under 18) helped in areas other than the playground construction, including kids' games and carnival activities (i.e. face painting, Jolly Jumper, red rover and putt putt, among others). The big day ended with a big raffle for the kids, then an on-time ribbon cutting, and finally a birthday cake and celebration for Hope and another volunteer.

Play Enhancement Projects:
200-foot stone pathway with edging
3 planter benches

VIPs:
Major William Raihl, Clark County Coordinator, The Salvation Army
Charles Desiderio, Director of Development and Marketing, The Salvation Army
Thomas Kriese, Manager, The Omidyar Network

(Local) Media:
Channel 30 and 62, KPVT-LP and KHMP-LP
Channel 41, KPVM-TV

Highlights: all the youth on site, the incredible installers, the Christian rock music (not as much a highlight as a big difference from most other builds), and the light up "Birthday Princess" pin and a birthday cake that Melanie got for Hope.

momentum coaching

two weekends ago i participated in an amazing training called the Momentum Coaching program. this workshop gave me the opportunity to build a foundation of coaching skills that have already greatly impacted the way i interact with my collagues and with my community groups (throughout our playground planning process).

the program successfully taught me a wide range of powerful coaching skills, some of which include:

-focused and intuitive listening;
-powerful, open-ended inquiry to foster reflective learning;
-fueling learning and imagination through curiosity;
-blending "challenge" and "support" to stretch thoughtful risk-taking and innovation;
-illuminating underlying perspectives, assumptions and beliefs; and
-catalyzing shifts toward those that inspire productive action... (the metaphor that i chose to describe the person "i am becoming" was an impressionist painting -- full of color and intricate detail that impresses, inspires and requires a step back to see the big picture.)

not only was this an incredible learning experience, but it was so refreshing to be instantly open and authentic with 20 other complete strangers. in just two days, we laughed, we listened, we learned, we shared our troubles, we coached, and we received coaching.

the bottom line is: it was great to (re)discover a better way to treat everyone, including myself, like the beautiful star they are. literally. there are five points to this coaching model: to assess what's Actual (vs what's assumed), to set Aspirations, to seek Alternatives, to take Action, and to be Accountable for those action steps. they are all very important, concrete steps to take toward believing in, empowering and guiding my own life and the lives of all my community partners. i am so glad to have participated in this training, because now i feel like a new, more compassionate, more attentive and more effective leader.

my build in Modesto

what my supervisor wrote:

Hope and her Superstar Second, Suzie Lovercheck led an AWESOME build March 10 in Modesto, CA. KaBOOM! partnered with The Home Depot and Summit Academy to build a playground. The weather was beautiful and despite two man auger issues on site prep day 1 the build day was a huge success. The volunteers were led by awesome, responsible and responsive Build Captains: 5 from THD, 8 parents/family. The community partner was incredible, organized, helpful, very appreciative of THD, understood the partnership and empowering of the students. The volunteers were great and not only built the playground, completed side projects, but moved 270 CY of engineered wood fiber. The BOOMbox had a great point person assigned to it and was very effective and organized. The Modesto Home Depot donated items to enhance the raffle (microwave, toaster oven, electric grill/hotplate, blender, coffee maker, skil saw, drill, and a gas-powered outdoor grill)

Side Projects:
2 planter benches
2 picnic tables
75+ beautiful ceramic tiles (from fundraiser) mounted,
6’ x 40’ kids mural
16 stepping stones
250 THD Kids’ workshop kits

Media:
No media was present on build day (Aspire CEO, Don Shalvey is writing a letter to the editor)

VIPs:
Don Shalvey (CEO Aspire Schools)
Dave Waters (THD District Manager)
Sherry Caraway (Community Affairs Supervisor, HD Western Division)
Tom Hal (Modesto Store Manager)
Leslie Longeria (Modesto HRM)
3 other Store Managers

Highlights: students participation throughout Build Day – entire student body (350+) present at Kick-off and at Board-cutting, Middle School Dance group led morning stretch, School Choir sang “Rainbow Connection” at closing ceremony, a few students did documentary project throughout the day, K-5 worked on mural and/or Kids’ Workshops (in class shifts), 6-7 made stepping stones around the flag pole (one for each teacher’s name)

the Board-cutting ceremony yesterday

My 5th Build

picture this: 300+ elementary and middle school students line up by class for their morning announcements, and 120 volunteers from the community and The Home Depot surround them for our opening ceremony. the energy was incredible... the middle school dance group led us all in a morning stretch/warm-up. then, throughout the day, all the students participated in "play enhancement projects" (or side projects), like a beautiful mural, a stepping stones project, kids' workshop projects from The Home Depot (i.e. bird houses, etc.), and a photodocumentary project of the day's events... our (adult) volunteers helped with the kids, mounted tiles from a fundraiser, did landscaping, built 2 picnic tables and 2 planter benches, moved 290 cubic yards of engineered wood fiber into a 100 x 50 area, and built an INCREDIBLE playground in just 6 hours!!... at the end of the day, all those same 300+ students came out for our closing Board-cutting ceremony, and they were just bursting with excitement. it was so powerful to have them come out at the end, especially for volunteers to see what and who they'd been working so hard for all day... lastly, the school's choir sang "Rainbow Connection," and the school's principal cut the board amid Silly String, noise makers, kazoos, streamers, clapping, and The Home Depot cheer.

it was such an awesome build that it will be next to impossible to match/beat. i loved the school, the planning committee chairs, my Build Captains (volunteer team leaders), my installer, my Second, and most everyone else. everything ran very smoothly, and if it didn't, my volunteers made up for it... not to mention it was such a beautiful day with perfect weather... it sure will be tough not to compare all other builds to this one.

well, i am beyond tired right now, and i must go to bed... good night.

dinner and a movie

ate some tasty lettuce wraps, pan fried noddles w/ prawn and curried chicken at Le Cheval (an awesome French-Vietnamese restaurant in Downtown Oakland) last night with Noah. the food was delish, the company tambien... then we met up with two friends to see Million Dollar Baby... i have to say, i enjoyed the film but i expected a little more for some reason. i guess that's hollywood for ya.

frantic to focused

all week i haven't felt myself... but then again i have also felt some old habits come to the surface. so, really, is this just another part of myself.

from the very first moment of my work week until now, i was swamped with phone calls, paperwork, admin stuff, financial b.s. for work, emails, organization for upcoming builds and God knows what else. there's been little time for me, so i'm finally taking the time this evening to unwind, have a glass of wine and spill my thoughts on to this virtual scroll for all (or none) to read.

early in the week, i was on the verge of tears with the amount of work that piled up. then, despite my exhausted state of mind and body, i made myself go to yoga. again, just like on valentines, it was exactly what i needed to regain a clear, mindful focus on work, life and my "innate goodness."

it's amazing how just 2.5 hours of breathing, stretching, holding poses and being still, yet engaged, can transform your state of mind and your capabilities... i still struggled to get everything done that i needed to get done before the end of the week, but i felt more productive and clear-headed at the same time... the body and mind can do wonders if they work together fully.

speaking of which, thanks to this new clarity and self-healing, love is in the air... nothing to write about yet, but definitely there.

santa cruz

i finally got out of town for a trip (other than for work). i went with my new friend, Noah, to visit his friends in Santa Cruz. we drove down Highway 1 and visited his old stomping grounds (undergrad). we also visited Cafe Brasil, the Mark Abbott Memorial Lighthouse (an old little surfer's museum), the cliffs and park nearby, UC-Santa Cruz, and a fun climbing tree on campus there... i had a great time. i only wish i could hold onto that good feeling forever.

challenging week

it's funny. when you're feeling really good about life, you'll be thrown some crazy curve balls. i had an incredible week last week, but this week was really difficult. i had major car problems with Tony's car and had to deal with that (on top of a very busy week at work). then i was asked to fly to Fresno, CA, on thursday for a playground build on friday. this news wasn't easy to take, especially because it was unexpected and so last minute, but for some reason i was completely okay with it... first, i was still feeling so great from the week before -- from all the yoga i'd been doing and all the love that i'd been feeling in my life right now... second, i had to fill in for another Project Manager because her grandfather had died the night before, so i felt obligated to be selfless about the whole situation... third, everything worked out in my favor -- from finding plane ticket to Fresno to catching a ride to the airport from an awesome friend. everything went smoothly until... mid afternoon on friday. we had major structural issues at the build and ended up not leaving the site until 7:30! (only to drive back to SF that night.) it was a very long day, but somehow i survived.

Love and live music

this week was incredible. it started off with a surprisingly wonderful valentine's gift to myself -- a 2.5-hour hatha flow yoga session with Dina Amsterdam. i go to her class when i can, but on monday, she had an extra special line-up for us. it was the best thing i could have done for myself, especially on a day like valentine's. she read poems, prayers, quotes and unique definitions of love. her session focused on opening the chest, restoring the heart and calling upon the love within ourselves... the bottom line is that we must fully love ourselves before we can love others. imagine, if everyone really practiced this kind of true love, then the world would virtually heal itself. i guess it's good that we have a holiday devoted to love; it's just too bad that the commercialism gets in the way of that sometimes. here is her sweet valentine email that she sent out to us:

"To all my Yogi and Yogini Valentines ~

For me today is a very special day... releasing all the commercialized mumbo jumbo and underneath all the hooha. Today is a beautiful day. It is a day to honor the spirit. And to celebrate love. To bring love to the forefront of our minds and hearts... and to trust in the truth that the deepest love we will ever know is the love that is our essence. In addition to how we love and honor and acknowledge others in our life, may this be a day that we love and celebrate and cultivate our own light ~ the wellspring from which all our love flows.

As the Buddha offers ~ May you rest in the innate goodness of your heart.

Thank you for being a part of my world and my heart... for bringing such sweetness and meaning to my life.

All love,
Dina"
______________________________

so, then, on wednesday night, i went to go see blackalicious and mos def at the berkeley community theatre. the show was incredible. the venue was a little big for blackalicious, but mos def took the stage by storm. his rhymes, his song, his moves and his talent were to die for. it was so good i was trippin'.

lastly, i went to the thievery corporation show last night. i had a good time and sweated my tail off dancing. it was fun and their music was fly, but i wasn't all that impressed with their stage performance. other than their light show, there was very little "show" to be seen... nevertheless, i was very glad to have gone... it's too bad the social life is so expensive here.

Installation by day, City Walk by night

as it turns out, the Playground Contractor's Association training was mostly boring and only partially interesting. nevertheless, i have to admit that i learned a thing or two about how to hold our installers accountable and how to work better with them. (note: we always have a qualified playground installer out at all of our builds in order to make sure that everything goes up right... as project managers, we need an installer to concentrate on the structure while we run the day, overall.)

also, yesterday, after we all went out to build a small playground together, i realized how good we are (as a non-profit) at organizing and conducting community-built playgrounds! not to put anyone else down, but i recognized how good we are at having fun, at organizing volunteers and at enhancing the overall playspace during our builds. with all of that in mind, i learned to greater appreciate how we do what we do.

then, last night, Tabitha, Jenna (2 fellow project managers) and I went out with 5 others from the training. (by the way, out of 40 participants in the training, only 4 of us were female... go figure. women rock.) we all went out to the City Walk at Universial Studios... mostly b/c there wasn't anything else to do, but also b/c it was right across the street from out hotel. the venue was bright and a little too "for show"... kind of like Las Vegas... i guess that's Orlando for ya. we ate at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, drank loads of margaritas, went to a few clubs (incl. the Groove, the Latin Quarter, Pat O'Brian's and Decades), and got back to the hotel by 1:30. it was fun to be out with the guys that lead the playground build that day, but i think i pushed myself a little too much... i only had 2.5 hours of sleep before having to head to the airport for a 6:15 flight! yikes! i slept as much as i could along the way, but i'm still very exhausted. thank god i'm finally home.