a Word of hope

Easter and Our Need for Hope
(A Note from Pastor Guy Sayles at First Baptist Church of Asheville)

We have a deep and pressing need for hope.

It takes hope for parents to bring a baby into the world, to hold a little one in their arms and to become, from that child’s first breath, the people most responsible for providing what that child needs and for shaping how he or she feels about the world and about God.

It takes hope to help a friend or family member who struggles with addiction—to believe, on the one hand, that he can quit drinking or drugging or excessively spending or dangerously overeating; and, on the other, to know that he can only do it meaningfully if you don’t try to do the impossible, which is to do it for him. You and he need hope that there are health and happiness on the other side of your tough love and his hard work. Otherwise, you’ll give up when it gets really challenging, and so will he, and the vicious, downward cycle will start again.

It takes hope to begin a new job in a strange place with people you don’t know—hope that, somehow, God and you, in partnership, can fashion your work into a means of growth and becoming, not just of putting-in time and earning a paycheck.

It takes hope to undergo heart bypass surgery or chemotherapy, to get out of bed and take those first painful and halting steps after knee replacement, and to return to routine after a harrowing season of depression.

It takes hope to make a new home out of a new house, to rebuild a shattered life, and to forgive, yet again, people whose ability to hurt you exceeds their capacity to understand the ways they do.

It takes hope to walk to a grave, leave a loved one’s body there, and return to the home you once shared, but where you now live alone.

We have to have hope—the feeling that there is welcome ahead of us and not rejection; a conviction that mercy will mend all our brokenness, and a confidence that grace will set-right all that we got wrong and all that went wrong.

For me, Easter is the assurance that hope lives on the other side of even the bleakest despair. It is the promise that love is stronger than fear and that life is more enduring than everything which threatens it.

meditation readings of hope

To him that waits, all things reveal themselves, provided that he has the courage not to deny in the darkness what he has seen in the light. ~ Howard Thurman, The Mood of Christmas

Give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light. ~ Mumford and Sons, "Ghosts That We Knew"

Verily, the earth shall yet become a site of recovery. And even now a new fragrance surrounds it, bringing salvation - and a new hope. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. ~ Martin Luther

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~ Albert Camus

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. ~ Vaclav Havel

Hope is openness for surprise as we stand posed between the already and the not-yet. ~ Brother David Steindl-Rast

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

As long as a person breathes, he should not lose hope. ~ Talmud

(collected by anne wray at jubilee community church, given to me by a friend)

Are you pregnant with eager anticipation for anything this season? Listen to this for inspiration.

hope springs eternal

“Hope springs eternal in the human breast; 

Man never Is, but always To be blest. 

The soul, uneasy, and confin'd from home, 

Rests and expatiates in a life to come.” 

― Alexander Pope, Essay on Man and Other Poems 

words of hope

A friend framed and gifted me with these words 2 years ago... and they are worthy of mention and inspiring others, again and again:

HOPE

is courage and joyfulness in God!

(Martin Luther, rephrased)

is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul 

and sings the tune without the words 

and never stops... at all.

Emily Dickinson

is faith holding out its hand in the dark.

George Iles

is putting faith to work

when doubting would be easier.

Author Unknown

is patience with the lamp lit.

Tertullian

May the God of hope

fill you with all joy and peace 

as you trust in him,

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit

you may overflow with 

hope.

Paul, Romans 15:13

"confident" hope vs. "wishful thinking" hope

I've thought about taking up this blog again, but I hadn't quite known where/when to begin again... until I read this blog, "Are You There, God? It's me, Atheist":

What is the difference between hope and human wishful thinking? The two have very similar definitions in the dictionary and are often used as synonyms for each other. Perhaps a bit more explanation can be given so that the differences between the two might be more apparent. Either way, as I pointed out before, hope seems to be an emotional bias that can corrode rationality. Also, why include "human" in reference to wishful thinking but not hope? Is hope not just as much a human activity as wishful thinking? My, what a pickle.

I used to ask myself that very same question. At first, I didn't realize it, but I used to be very caught up in the "wishful thinking" definition of hope (for myself). For 10+ years, I struggled with that, with my search for Love, with trying to find solid ground, and with hopelessness, ironically enough. I could never quite find it on my own or with my own human strength, mind, will or emotions.

Then, through the course of several mysterious events, I realized that there are actually two definitions of "hope" -- (1) the wishful-thinking, fingers-crossed, emotional kind of "hope" that you referred to; and (2) the confident, expected, promised "hope" that carries us through. We can't experience or comprehend the later (the eternal hope) without releasing the former (the temporal hope)... Which takes dying to self.

It took A LOT for me to get to a place of truly hearing about this "confident" hope and then letting that message penetrate my heart (including swallowing my pride, self-righteousness, doubt, and skepticism), but it was what needed to happen in order for me to drop the hopelessness and just exemplify true hope!

consider hope

a birthday wish & letter to my friends:

Warmest greetings to you!

My birthday is tomorrow (Friday), and I'd love to celebrate with you somehow -- in person and/or in spirit!

Whether or not you can join me, please consider something with me:

What is the meaning of "hope" in your life? What brings you true hope? What is the reason for your hope?

As a form of celebrating with me (near or far), please just spend time thinking about this in depth.

Then, if you feel inspired, see if you can come up with something you can share with me that represents it, like an object, a picture, a poem, a thought, a dream, a song, a symbol, a story, an action, etc. I would love to hear your take on it and also to begin collecting these sorts of stories & such from folks. Now, if you can't think of something specific, don't worry, just keep thinking about it. (Believe me, I've thought about it for nearly 31 years, especially the past 2.5, and I don't plan to stop anytime soon.)

Something will come to you eventually... and if not, ask someone who you consider to be "hope"-filled for the reason for their hope. That way, the essence of this birthday gift will continue to grow!

Meanwhile, please know that I love & miss you dearly.

Gratefully,

Hope Deifell

affirmation

although it's a great source of connecting, networking & sharing information, i gave up facebook for lent. the reason: i felt that i was somehow looking for affirmation, identity, acceptance & belonging in it rather than in my Creator. i know i'm not alone in this... so this devotion is for those of you who can relate and who need affirmation.

this is Jesus Calling:

STOP JUDGING AND EVALUATING YOURSELF, for this is not your role. Above all, stop comparing yourself with other people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes, a mixture of both. I lead each of My children along a path that is uniquely tailor-made for him or her. Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless.

Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places: your own evaluations, or those of other people. The only source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love. Many believers perceive Me as an unpleasable Judge, angrily searching out their faults and failures. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I died for your sins, so that I might clothe you in My garments of salvation. This how I see you: radiant in My robe of righteousness. When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-Face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity. Immerse yourself in My loving Presence. Be receptive to My affirmation, which flows continually from the throne of grace.

Luke 6:37; John 3:16-17; Isaiah 61:10 (NASB); Proverbs 3:11-12

all in the name

i cannot recall how many times my relationship with my name has evolved and/or transformed my life... for the good and the bad.

my most recent revelation is the fact that my birthday is the last day of winter (in the northern hemisphere, at least). so just when we feel like winter is never going to end, there's always hope because spring is just around the corner. ;)

what kind of relationship do you have with your name? consider its origin, its meaning, your parents' thoughts around naming you, how you feel about your name, if anyone shares your name, the stories of others, etc. i'm not talking about "the expression or destiny number" associated with your name -- that's too cookie-cutter & objective. i'm talking about your experience, your story, your adventure, your challenges, and your relationship with your name from birth.

there is always hope!

the general discourse of many people in the world these days (no thanks to the US media) is seemingly hopeless. i say, there is always hope! it's been right in front of us all this time, and everything of this world prevents us from seeing it, believing it and experiencing it fully, wholy & simply...

i thank God everyday for patiently working on me, for graciously being there for me once i finally (& stubbornly) came back home to Him (in humiliation), for lovingly helping me to understand Him more and more, and for joyfully healing & liberating me (especially at an incredible Healing Prayer conference this last week).

i'm finally & truly a witness, a living testament to the confident & mysterious Truth that there IS always hope!

check it out:
...

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5:3-5 NLT

...

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV

...

That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:18-27 The Message

...

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times. Lamentations 3:25-26 The Message

expectations

I try not to have any expectations so I'm never disappointed in anything, but sometimes I do & I am. The challenge is to find contentment and to praise God regardless of the circumstances.

Well, here I am... still waiting, hoping, expecting God to open doors, heal me, move me, strength me to take more steps forward, and/or change my circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I'm also praying fervently, trying to put the word out there, and attempting to connect with people... It's just it would have been so much easier to take the tourist track or to join a missions tour or something.

Waiting, hoping, expecting... “esperando.” Just one word for such an intense process: esperar.

Since my last post, I left Guatemala City, took a “first class” bus (rather than a second class “chicken bus”) to Quetzaltenango (Xela), settled in with my new God-sent host family (incidentally in a little outlying town called “La Esperanza”) , and started “school” with a Spanish tutor at Utatlan in downtown Xela. Really, I have no complaints, but for some reason, I´m struggling to find contentment & “esperanza” in my path. How do I truly “esperar” for God? How can I rest in His hands -- when I struggle trusting His plan? when I don´t even know what His plan is? when can´t figure out what He wants me to do? when I can´t make any decisions for myself? when I´m so focused on my own issues? when I can´t let go of my own selfish desires? when I expect too much & don´t get any response?

Waiting, hoping, expecting… todavía esperando.

The problem is that I want things to work out for myself, not necessarily just for God’s glory. That’s not to say that there´s always a complete difference, but a lot of times, there is. For example, my current host family here planned to go hiking up a volcano & camping this weekend, but at the very last minute, it was cancelled due to a death in their church (7th Day Adventist). I understood & totally respected the fact that they needed to grieve together as a Body of believers, but I have to admit, I was selfishly a little disappointed. I had really hoped & nearly expected that this was finally a breakthrough in this season of “esperando”, but apparently, I have some more waiting to do… and definitely a whole lot more learning to do in order to rest & find contentment in His hands.

I thank God nothing bad has happened to me, but for quite some time, I was virtually stunned & nearly paralyzed by the heavy cloud of fear that threatens to contaminate the entire subcontinent (due to the increase in violent crime, the infiltrating drug cartel, the corruption in the government, the underpaid police force, and so much more than meets the eye... not to mention many people´s valid yet persistent guardedness & paranoia about the crime).

Everyone has a story about how crime has affected them. For example, just last week, my family´s cousin was assaulted, robbed of $200,000, and kidnapped from his own place of business. They still don´t know where he is, and the only thing they can do is pray & negotiate with the kidnappers. Please pray for a miracle.

Fortunately, not everyone is paralyzed by this dark cloud. In fact, Guatemala is a beautiful country full of the nicest people, but unfortunately, many of them are too intimidated to stand up against or even report the corruption that takes place. I don´t blame them, though; the Enemy is embedded in the social system & overwhelmingly strong among the people here. In fact, according to a local missionary here, the corruption is even seeping into the Church. If the people can´t even turn to the Church for help, where else can they turn?

I also thank God for my two blessed host families (in Guatemala City and here in Xela), and I know that He prepared a small place for me among them, even just for short time... However, since their houses are a bit far from the city centers, I´ve felt a little isolated from the hub of the culture. In Guatemala City, I couldn´t come or go on my own at all, because it was too dangerous, too far away from everything, & initially too difficult to get around on my own. In Xela, I could finally come & go on my own, but I´d have to leave the city center by 5:30 at the latest to catch the bus home (30-45 minutes in transit), thus missing out on some of the activities at the school or with the other students… Granted, I know I´m not here to hang out with other travelers, but I´d selfishly like to get to know the city some more & take a little more advantage being here. Plus, Heather & I learned last year that “being” among other travelers is a form of ministry in and of itself... Regardless, I definitely sense that it´s time to move out of my current host family, simply because there isn´t really enough room for me. (The 5 of them are humbly & graciously sharing a room so I can have my own room.)

So what should I do? Logically, I should move closer to town & maybe even stay with a random host family that the school can set up for me. However, nothing is quite that simple for me. In fact, I may have made it even harder on myself by asking for help from a local missionary here. Maybe not, though. We´ll see after today. The bottom line is that I wasn´t sure what to do or where to go, so I couldn´t commit to a host family from the school. Nevertheless, I asked the local missionary for help in finding a host family and/or an opportunity to serve for the rest of the time I´m in Xela. She got back to me with news of a new host family (still a little ways from downtown & still $35/week like all the other home-stays), but nothing about serving anywhere. I was extremely grateful to connect with her, but I was still a little confused about what to do, where to go, & why I haven´t “plugged in” anywhere, yet. There are plenty of opportunities to volunteer & a number of decent secular programs doing great things in the community, so why haven´t I jumped in anywhere? I don´t know. I either haven´t been available (due to my Spanish tutoring schedule or my home-stay locale), I´m not here long enough to commit the required amount of time for volunteers, or I haven´t felt the call or pull towards any of them, yet. Then again, this may only be an introduction, a chance for God to plant some seeds in my life & in the lives of those I encounter. His purpose is far greater than I can imagine, so maybe I´m just here to learn to be content in Him… as much as I want to see, do, go & be somewhere else.

In the meantime, I´m trying to breathe deep, wait patiently, praise God in all circumstances, look for the positive, be thankful for the opportunities I'm given, focus on & pray for His will, “be” Christ with those around me, spend time in the Word, listen to the whisper of the Spirit, and forget about myself.

random acts with purpose

i'm finally breaking the silence...

"clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet"

our stories involve process, purpose, and a promise of completion. there's no wishful-thinking hope; there's always confident hope in the One that weaves us all together and openly completes us with His perfect love once we ask for it. everything happens for a reason, so as we continue to contribute to the "ongoing creation of the world"*, it's our choice to respond.

all last year, i wondered about Purpose... the ultimate question "Why?"... the big picture. the reason things happen the way they do. the reason i haven't posted anything in a year. the reason i bother with it anymore.

searching for the real reason for being here, doing what we do, feeling what we feel... desiring to understand what happens naturally... seeking an explanation of pain, suffering, war, earth wakes, political oppression, social & spiritual suppression, mental illness, distance, miscommunication, prejudice, disease, death... noticing the effects of our choices: the time we manage, the decisions we make, the actions we take, the phone calls we answer, the emails/blogs we write, the feelings we act out, the emotions we let consume us, the places we land, the people we love...

science can't explain Purpose and i can't understand "Why?" any more than eluding to its magnitude, diversity & complication... but that's what faith is all about -- confidently trusting and knowing Someone who can and does.

sometimes, we'll never know how it all fits together. other times, we'll learn and then refine that understanding down the road. and in all ways we can come to know the Way of Truth & Life through the One that testifies to it. pure & simple.

life is God’s gift to us, so life should be our gift to God. unfold it. make life the dangerous wonder that continually gives back and uncovers the mystery "Why".

finding peace

it's funny how quickly emotions can lead us astray. shortly after my previous post, i began to slowly spiral downward in anticipation of my departure... or, rather, as a reaction to this incredibly huge decision set before me: to leave or not to leave.

why was i wavering? for one thing, my sister & i haven't bought our RTW tickets, yet, but also i guess i was somehow waiting for a sign to confirm my decision either way...

an endless stream of life-altering questions flows through my mind. what am i doing? what could i be throwing away? is this the end or will it come full circle? would it be a mistake to stay or to go?

the only thing i have to hold on to is the faith that this feeling of devastation will pass and that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to... but there's no sense in hanging on to the unknown right now. i've only got this one precious life to live, and i'm taking a huge bold leap to claim it for myself... God willing.

"We had definitely committed ourselves
and were halfway out of our ruts.
We had put down our passage money
-- booked a sailing to Bombay.
This may sound too simple,
but is great in consequence.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
there is one elementary truth
the ignorance of which kills
countless ideas and splendid plans:
that the moment one definitely commits oneself,
providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor
all manner of unforeseen incidents,
meetings and material assistance
which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

Excerpt from The Scottish Himalaya Expedition [1951]

reflection

this week was beautiful here in SF, and smoothe sailing on my biking commute to work. right now, i'm sitting at the Atlas Cafe (near my house in the Mission), and the sky is threatening to release it's moisture over the plastic canopy of this patio. yesterday, my boss, co-worker and i went to happy hour for margaritas, and later i met up with a former co-worker for a lil' dancin at Milk (in the Haight). the day before, i met up with two former co-workers at the Zeitgeist for some beers and tamales. (it was my first time there.) wednesday, i went to a much-needed yoga session, which helped me recenter my emotionally-distracted heart. it was a good challenge to have Noah accompany me to the class, because i'm realizing that my relationships can sometimes throw me off track and get my emotions all tied up into knots. i recognize that i need to focus on my own path, amid others' wayward journeys through life. to cope, here are my current mantras:

(1) timing can feel like our worst enemy but really it's our saving grace.
(2) we must honor ourselves and respect others always.
(3) at the end of the day, we are all we've got in life.

this is not to say that i don't love everyone (b/c i do especially if they let me in) but it is a type of defense mechanism for life... i guess that's the cancer in me... or maybe it's the self-reflective, self-protective, honest, over-observant, heart-filled, introverted and independent part of me that needs a good booty-shakin on the dance floor or another surreal, out-of-body experience in a House of God and/or out on the Playa to get me back on board.

grrrr

i'm on the down slope of a natural high.

i haven't done any yoga in a long time. i've let the stress of work consume me. my body, soul and mind are aching from causes (cycles and people) out of my control. the love that rejuvenated me last month is on reserve and fading. and, in some cases, i'm holding myself back from being my full, true, beautiful self.

where is the hope?
still in me somewhere, i guess.

a creative name-sake

from a friend-of-a-friend. thanks, cliff.