How easily things can change. I’m still in Guatemala City, but I really hope to go to Xela tomorrow. The problem is that I am at the mercy of my hosts, who live far south of the city, and I don’t know my way (nor do I feel comfortable or safe) to get around by myself, yet.
Why didn’t I go on Sunday like I’d planned? Well, I must have looked uneasy about the trip, because my host brother sat me down & sincerely asked me if I really felt ready to go. The truth is I didn’t feel ready because I didn’t have a bus ticket & because I hadn’t signed up for any language school there yet (to start Monday)… Not to mention, I started feeling really paranoid about traveling by myself in an increasingly dangerous country. (My hosts, their friends and the US State Dept persistently warn against traveling alone, after dark, with anything valuable, and into certain areas of the city or countryside.)
So since I didn’t have anything sorted out for Xela & since I’m traveling alone, I started to cave in under the anxiety, and it showed. In trying my best to explain myself to my host brother, I realized that maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I needed to take another day to pray about it all. Maybe I needed to repack & reconsider what I should leave behind (including my laptop). Maybe I needed to at least make contact a few language schools (even if I don’t know where they are in relation to where I’m staying, yet). Maybe I just needed to slow down and WAIT.
While that seemed like a good idea at first, I’m wrestling with it. Waiting is so hard, and while I feel like I’ve had lots of practice in waiting (while traveling the world, having done vipassana, doing community work, living at home with my parents for a couple months, etc), it’s as if I’ve forgotten & I’m relearning how to truly WAIT... be still, and know God.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
el milagro primero
the first miracle of the journey is that i actually arrived in one piece. seriously. it seemed like nearly all forces were working against me... except the Force that matters most, apparently, 'cause i made it! Gracias a Dios!
here's how it went down: i got sick (sensitive tonsils, swollen glands, chronic headache, sleepless nights, aching body & pure exhaustion) the day before i left my parents’ house in Connecticut. i called AA at the last minute but decided that it wasn't worth canceling/postponing the trip. i bit the bullet and literally threw all my stuff together to go anyway. (can you tell i was starting to drag my feet?) i took the train down to NYC, lugged my tiresome body through the streets & subway to a friend's house in Queens, and slept only 6 hours before taking a cab to LGA amid a snow storm. (thankfully, i wasn't on the flight from LGA to Charlotte that day, or the trip would have really been canceled.) what followed should have been a 6-hour trip through Miami turned into a 15-hour one with 6 delays!
several times i'd asked myself: had i pushed my own agenda to go? was i going against God's desire? or was all this just the Enemy's attempt at discouraging me? there's a fine line there, but i'm confident (hopeful & trusting) that God will humble me, stretch me, strengthen me and teach me to depend more on Him than ever before... in fact, He's already doing that.
in the end, my contact in Guatemala City was there at the airport to pick me up. she & her brother quickly embraced me as a sister in faith, whizzed me off to their little town just south of the city (up & down the hills, through the darkened streets, past a few stumbling night-owls, safely back to their home), and welcomed me into their family.
so here i am. somewhat rested, healing, and trying to jump into the culture & the language with both feet. sí, completamente en español. ay ay ay.
all this is MUCH easier said then done. believe me... so please continue to pray for protection, discernment, wisdom, Divine appointments, cultural sensitivity, and expedient language learning. also, i'm about to take off again, moving forward into the unknown abyss of this journey, by continuing on to Quetzaltenango (Xela) tomorrow in order to enroll in a language school for a couple weeks.
the next miracle is that God hooked me up with another host family there -- one that my new Guatemalan brother here knows.
to be continued...
here's how it went down: i got sick (sensitive tonsils, swollen glands, chronic headache, sleepless nights, aching body & pure exhaustion) the day before i left my parents’ house in Connecticut. i called AA at the last minute but decided that it wasn't worth canceling/postponing the trip. i bit the bullet and literally threw all my stuff together to go anyway. (can you tell i was starting to drag my feet?) i took the train down to NYC, lugged my tiresome body through the streets & subway to a friend's house in Queens, and slept only 6 hours before taking a cab to LGA amid a snow storm. (thankfully, i wasn't on the flight from LGA to Charlotte that day, or the trip would have really been canceled.) what followed should have been a 6-hour trip through Miami turned into a 15-hour one with 6 delays!
several times i'd asked myself: had i pushed my own agenda to go? was i going against God's desire? or was all this just the Enemy's attempt at discouraging me? there's a fine line there, but i'm confident (hopeful & trusting) that God will humble me, stretch me, strengthen me and teach me to depend more on Him than ever before... in fact, He's already doing that.
in the end, my contact in Guatemala City was there at the airport to pick me up. she & her brother quickly embraced me as a sister in faith, whizzed me off to their little town just south of the city (up & down the hills, through the darkened streets, past a few stumbling night-owls, safely back to their home), and welcomed me into their family.
so here i am. somewhat rested, healing, and trying to jump into the culture & the language with both feet. sí, completamente en español. ay ay ay.
all this is MUCH easier said then done. believe me... so please continue to pray for protection, discernment, wisdom, Divine appointments, cultural sensitivity, and expedient language learning. also, i'm about to take off again, moving forward into the unknown abyss of this journey, by continuing on to Quetzaltenango (Xela) tomorrow in order to enroll in a language school for a couple weeks.
the next miracle is that God hooked me up with another host family there -- one that my new Guatemalan brother here knows.
to be continued...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
"showing up" in Guatemala
Again, the time has come for a new adventure to begin. This time by myself... and to Guatemala for about 7 weeks without any agenda. I don't know what I'll be doing exactly yet, but I trust the Spirit will lead me.
Why Guatemala? Initially, I just wanted to study Spanish through immersion again, but I had to put that idea on hold for a while. Upon considering it four years later, though, it became clear that it would be more than just a language immersion experience -- it would be another journey of faith with purpose greater than I could imagine... even if I don't know what it is yet.
On last year's journey, my sister & I took plenty of chances, put ourselves out there in connecting with people we didn't know, watched God masterfully weave it all together, and experienced transformation in the process. I tangibly learned what living in faith is all about -- believing without seeing, going without knowing where you're going to land, following the lead of the Spirit, and letting Him really plan the journey... All of which I'll be doing this time around, too, in taking another giant leap.
So what's my so-called plan? I arrive Jan. 15, and I'll stay until March 4. A friend (who my sister & I met in Thailand last year) & her family are graciously hosting me for the first few days in Guatemala City. Then, I hope to go up to Quetzaltenango (Xela) or possibly Antigua for a couple weeks to do language study. After that? I don't know really. I'm open to going wherever, but I don't have anything set-up yet... When, where & what are all to be determined.
Basically, I'm hoping to "show up" & "be" there for others, to serve with "cultural intelligence", and to connect with local people, ministries & organizations doing incarnational, contextualized, missiological Community-work. All I have to offer are my God-given hands, heart, ears, eyes, compassion, willingness, strength, time, interest, prayer, and experience doing some project management & community organizing. I reckon that'll be enough to serve & glorify Him with. ;)
Please write me & share your stories, contacts and favorite places there, so you can be part of my evolving journey. hope(at)deifell(dot)com
Thank you ahead of time for all your love, compassion, support, prayers and best wishes. Please keep them coming!
Why Guatemala? Initially, I just wanted to study Spanish through immersion again, but I had to put that idea on hold for a while. Upon considering it four years later, though, it became clear that it would be more than just a language immersion experience -- it would be another journey of faith with purpose greater than I could imagine... even if I don't know what it is yet.
On last year's journey, my sister & I took plenty of chances, put ourselves out there in connecting with people we didn't know, watched God masterfully weave it all together, and experienced transformation in the process. I tangibly learned what living in faith is all about -- believing without seeing, going without knowing where you're going to land, following the lead of the Spirit, and letting Him really plan the journey... All of which I'll be doing this time around, too, in taking another giant leap.
So what's my so-called plan? I arrive Jan. 15, and I'll stay until March 4. A friend (who my sister & I met in Thailand last year) & her family are graciously hosting me for the first few days in Guatemala City. Then, I hope to go up to Quetzaltenango (Xela) or possibly Antigua for a couple weeks to do language study. After that? I don't know really. I'm open to going wherever, but I don't have anything set-up yet... When, where & what are all to be determined.
Basically, I'm hoping to "show up" & "be" there for others, to serve with "cultural intelligence", and to connect with local people, ministries & organizations doing incarnational, contextualized, missiological Community-work. All I have to offer are my God-given hands, heart, ears, eyes, compassion, willingness, strength, time, interest, prayer, and experience doing some project management & community organizing. I reckon that'll be enough to serve & glorify Him with. ;)
Please write me & share your stories, contacts and favorite places there, so you can be part of my evolving journey. hope(at)deifell(dot)com
Thank you ahead of time for all your love, compassion, support, prayers and best wishes. Please keep them coming!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
random acts with purpose
i'm finally breaking the silence...
"clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet"
our stories involve process, purpose, and a promise of completion. there's no wishful-thinking hope; there's always confident hope in the One that weaves us all together and openly completes us with His perfect love once we ask for it. everything happens for a reason, so as we continue to contribute to the "ongoing creation of the world"*, it's our choice to respond.
all last year, i wondered about Purpose... the ultimate question "Why?"... the big picture. the reason things happen the way they do. the reason i haven't posted anything in a year. the reason i bother with it anymore.
searching for the real reason for being here, doing what we do, feeling what we feel... desiring to understand what happens naturally... seeking an explanation of pain, suffering, war, earth wakes, political oppression, social & spiritual suppression, mental illness, distance, miscommunication, prejudice, disease, death... noticing the effects of our choices: the time we manage, the decisions we make, the actions we take, the phone calls we answer, the emails/blogs we write, the feelings we act out, the emotions we let consume us, the places we land, the people we love...
science can't explain Purpose and i can't understand "Why?" any more than eluding to its magnitude, diversity & complication... but that's what faith is all about -- confidently trusting and knowing Someone who can and does.
sometimes, we'll never know how it all fits together. other times, we'll learn and then refine that understanding down the road. and in all ways we can come to know the Way of Truth & Life through the One that testifies to it. pure & simple.
life is God’s gift to us, so life should be our gift to God. unfold it. make life the dangerous wonder that continually gives back and uncovers the mystery "Why".
"clinging to the promise that you're not through with me yet"
our stories involve process, purpose, and a promise of completion. there's no wishful-thinking hope; there's always confident hope in the One that weaves us all together and openly completes us with His perfect love once we ask for it. everything happens for a reason, so as we continue to contribute to the "ongoing creation of the world"*, it's our choice to respond.
all last year, i wondered about Purpose... the ultimate question "Why?"... the big picture. the reason things happen the way they do. the reason i haven't posted anything in a year. the reason i bother with it anymore.
searching for the real reason for being here, doing what we do, feeling what we feel... desiring to understand what happens naturally... seeking an explanation of pain, suffering, war, earth wakes, political oppression, social & spiritual suppression, mental illness, distance, miscommunication, prejudice, disease, death... noticing the effects of our choices: the time we manage, the decisions we make, the actions we take, the phone calls we answer, the emails/blogs we write, the feelings we act out, the emotions we let consume us, the places we land, the people we love...
science can't explain Purpose and i can't understand "Why?" any more than eluding to its magnitude, diversity & complication... but that's what faith is all about -- confidently trusting and knowing Someone who can and does.
sometimes, we'll never know how it all fits together. other times, we'll learn and then refine that understanding down the road. and in all ways we can come to know the Way of Truth & Life through the One that testifies to it. pure & simple.
life is God’s gift to us, so life should be our gift to God. unfold it. make life the dangerous wonder that continually gives back and uncovers the mystery "Why".
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