How easily things can change. I’m still in Guatemala City, but I really hope to go to Xela tomorrow. The problem is that I am at the mercy of my hosts, who live far south of the city, and I don’t know my way (nor do I feel comfortable or safe) to get around by myself, yet.
Why didn’t I go on Sunday like I’d planned? Well, I must have looked uneasy about the trip, because my host brother sat me down & sincerely asked me if I really felt ready to go. The truth is I didn’t feel ready because I didn’t have a bus ticket & because I hadn’t signed up for any language school there yet (to start Monday)… Not to mention, I started feeling really paranoid about traveling by myself in an increasingly dangerous country. (My hosts, their friends and the US State Dept persistently warn against traveling alone, after dark, with anything valuable, and into certain areas of the city or countryside.)
So since I didn’t have anything sorted out for Xela & since I’m traveling alone, I started to cave in under the anxiety, and it showed. In trying my best to explain myself to my host brother, I realized that maybe I wasn’t ready. Maybe I needed to take another day to pray about it all. Maybe I needed to repack & reconsider what I should leave behind (including my laptop). Maybe I needed to at least make contact a few language schools (even if I don’t know where they are in relation to where I’m staying, yet). Maybe I just needed to slow down and WAIT.
While that seemed like a good idea at first, I’m wrestling with it. Waiting is so hard, and while I feel like I’ve had lots of practice in waiting (while traveling the world, having done vipassana, doing community work, living at home with my parents for a couple months, etc), it’s as if I’ve forgotten & I’m relearning how to truly WAIT... be still, and know God.
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