way too much time online

i am continually amazed by how much time and energy people spend online... from technocrats to myspacers to bloggers, it's a little ridiculous. i'm rather tired of it all, and i don't want to lose myself in it... you see, as of late, i'm just as guilty of it... doing a bunch of online marketing for my brother's new book... anyway, it's easy to get sucked in, to compare pages & profiles, to forget how to directly interact with others, and to waste endless amounts of time on it all... it's sad, really... i definitely think we all need to take a serious break from it all. otherwise, at this rate, where will we be in 5, 10, 20 years from now? with microchip implants in our brains or something? it's like we're mutating into cylons. (did anyone see this week's season finale of battlestar galactica? crazy.) i mean i know for a fact that there are a LOT of good, progressive, interactive online communities out there, but i'm just worried about those folks that aren't necessarily doing something positive with their time online.

so these are some of the many reasons i'm taking a break from the world and participating in a 10-day vipassana (silent meditation) retreat near yosemite at the beginning of april.

... btw, one cool hybrid of online and offline communities is SF Zero, which hosts real world "tasks" and creates community online too... in fact, my brother posted an innovative task in conjunction with his recently published book Seeing Beyond Sight. check it out and join his myspace page. (how's that for an ironic twist... encouraging you to extend your time online.)

unconditional love

after a red-eye flight back to SF from AK and then a day-long trip cross-country to SC, i spent a week visiting my sister, brother, sister-in-law, baby niece and mom (who also came down for a visit from CT). it was like a mini-family-reunion. i loved it... it's amazing to have such a supportive family with unconditional love, open-arms, and generous, genuine care for one another, even if i'm down and out about something.

unfortunately, however, i've realized that i pretty much expect everyone else to be capable of the same sort of behavior. is that wrong to hope or assume about the world? i know that everyone is effected by different things and has had different experiences in life, but what would happen if everyone relinquished all fear and embraced genuine love for each other? what would the world be like? it almost doesn't seem possible to even imagine.

anyway, speaking of the world... our travel plans are coming along, but we need to get into high gear. my sister is doing some fundraising as well as some investigating into 'round-the-world plane tickets. i’m supposed to figure out all the other travel logistics, like visas, travel between countries, places to stay and website stuff... all very time consuming and easy to procrastinate on.

in fact, i'm dragging my feet a little because i've had some serious mixed emotions about the trip... the length of it (constantly on the road), the extreme self-awareness (for our safety), the fighting for rates on everything from cab fares to basic information, the anti-americanism everywhere, the sticking out like a sore thumb as 2 white american women with backpacks... and, to top it off, the sacrifice in leaving my beloved behind for so long. am i selfish to go and make him wait anyway? shouldn't i just have faith that everything will work out for the best? i'm trying to listen to my heart, maintain a balance with my mind, discern what's right, and let go and let God... that's one of the several reasons why i signed up for a 10-day vipassana retreat near yosemite: to clear my mind of all this mental chatter and to more clearly make the right decisions.

Anchorage, AK

so now i'm in big wild alaska!

it's gorgeous here in the winter. i'm surrounded by beautiful majestic snow-covered mountains. 10-25 degree days with clear skies and high wind gusts (for now), and 5-10 degree nights. cold... but i managed to get out to see a little reggae music our first night. then i went out and about to check out a little of this winter festival as well as the ceremonial iditarod dog sled race, which actually started the next day up the valley.

on sunday, i went to Mass at noon, then caught a parade downtown (closing the furroundy), and finally i ended up going back out to watch the sunset… which are super-long here (nearly 4 hours long) because the sun just hangs really low in the sky before it finally gives way to the horizon.

anyway, that's all for now. gotta run.

NOLA

a few weeks ago i went down to New Orleans to do some contracted playground-building work for my old employer, and i stayed on for a few days to volunteer for another organization that builds playgrounds around the world.

in the 2 weeks i spent there, i participated in 4 playground builds, dodged 2 tornadoes, shielded myself from unusually cold weather, toured the 9th ward and st. bernard parish (among other devastated areas)*, heard some great local music (Washboard Chaz), found some cool dive bars (the Circle Bar), witnessed the traditional season of debauchery (Mardi Gras), cheered for the less oligarchical floats (in the Muses), caught some beads and other cheap crap (made in China), hung out with old friends (Jenn Potts) and met some new ones (from San Clemente, CA)... i had a good time while there, but it was challenging to comprehend what happened there, what racial and socio-economic divisions there were, are and always will be, how crime has risen, and what anyone could do to help the situation... it's puzzling.

*devastated areas? anywhere outside the French Qtr anyway. there were water marks as high as 9 ft in some places. the only time water makes a mark like that is when it sits without receding for weeks. we built a playground in the East Bank between a new mobile-unit school and its old school building whose roof caved in and which reeked of mold. what a travesty. i had no idea. i'd heard about the flood waters and seen the gutted houses (with nothing but a chandelier hanging in one), but i'd never smelled that intense mold or understood the X's on the front of many places (marking the date, the initials of the group that searched, and the number of people or what animals were found dead). crazy.

disconnected

so close but so far away. i've been so removed, so disconnected from the world lately. i guess that's the privilege i have. i don't really have to think about the world all the time... or do i (especially since i'm planning this world trip with my sister)?... yes. i need to get going and plug myself back into the world.

well, the problem i have at the moment is that i'm not feeling altogether myself these days... i'm feeling a little ill, i'm not clearheaded, and i'm homeless & unsettled. so you can see why a big part of me feels a little out of sorts... sad, isn't it?

i guess it's not so bad. it does feel good to begin a new era again... you know, sheding old stuff and renewing my independence... only last weekend, i moved out of my apartment of 2 1/2 years in San Francisco, and i'm slowly saying goodbye to people. you see, i'm continuing to travel & Second for my old job (for supplimental income), and i'm staying at my brother's place in between trips until the end of February or maybe March... who knows?

in the meantime, i'll keep myself busy with the Seconding on playground builds and with helping my brother Tony out on publicizing his new book (soon to be released in the Spring).

off the map

I know. I've fallen off the face of the planet, right? well, that's why I hate these damn personal internet pages; somehow, it's almost an expectation never to drop out and stop updating them. i mean, heaven forbid we all go back into the world of the living and start interacting with each other more in person... so why bother to keep this page up to date? I don't know. I guess I want to be able to look back at this blog someday and remember all the places I've been... that's what this page is coming to: a personal journal, a list of random life occurrences, a place to put myself out there in the hopes that my friends and family will want to check in to see how I'm doing, and a chance to (re)connect with people.

speaking of the real world, a lot has been going on in my life. i'm about to embark on a completely new journey and experience in life. i quit my job. i'm head over heals in love. i'm about to travel the world with my sister for about 6 months... and today is the first day of the rest of my life. God is good.

since I last wrote, I built playgrounds in Sacramento, Austin, Venice (IL) and Houston, I built an ice rink in Buffalo, and I spent some time in Western North Carolina with my siblings and friends there. I also spent Thanksgiving with a good friend in Springfield, MO, and then Christmas with my family in Wethersfield, CT.

then everything at work flipped upside down, and I decided to quit. I left on good terms though, and I still plan to do some externally contracted work for them... in the meantime, I'm leaving my home of 2 1/2 years in SF, having to get rid of almost everything I own, and preparing to essentially live out of my bags for a whole year... coach-surfing, seconding for my old emplorer, moving back to NC maybe, and traveling the world with my sister.

the world (my world) is in flux, but i have an unusual peace about how it's all going to work out. I've just got to let go and let God.

unbelievable

time is flying by. i've been so busy that i haven't taken the time to write about it. and now it's too late to remember everything... but i'll try.





July: Liz Middleton visited, Whitney's B-day and Flint/MI Playground Build

August: Rock the Bells (8 hs of awesome Hip Hop in an outdoor concert), Playground Build and personal time in Twin Falls/ID, Green Bay/WI Playground Build, Woodburn/OR Build and visit with Matt Forness in Portland




September: Burning Man, the wdydwyd? project, Heather in town for more than 3 weeks
(starting in August), Design Day in Austin/TX, Pirates Rock Orchestra Puppet Show in SF, Ra in town for a weekend visit!, Playground Build & personal time in Vancouver & Whistler, Folsom Street Fair, Design Day and Playground Build in Illinois, Thursday night church at Dolores Park Church, Design Day in Buffalo/NY for an ICE RINK!, and my first visit to Burbank.

fun in the sun

man, it's been a while... i've been working hard and hardly working... at least enough to be too distracted to write about it.

since my trip to memphis back in early june, i've...

- hung out at Ocean Beach with good friends, like Kirsten!

- worked some long, hard hours for a playground/skatepark build in North Chicago.

- lead a Design Day meeting to kick off the start of a project that I also lead the outreach for (in Green Bay, WI).

- spent some quality time with my immediate family and some other extended Deifell relatives at Topsail Beach, NC.

- lead another Design Day meeting for the beginning of a playground project in Vancouver, BC, and spent some time touring the city a bit with my friend, Bryan Wilson. (It was so awesome to be introduced to such a great place by an old friend.)

what do NC, MI and TN have in common?

they've all recently seen the likes of Hope Deifell (aka, The Hope Deifell (THD), H2D (Hope Holliday Deifell), Ms. High Definition, Hope-alicious or Hoperino).

just before memorial day weekend, I Seconded for another project manager's playground build in Charlotte, NC. then, my old friend Felica came through (from Durham) to pick me up on her way up to camp in the Western North Carolina mountains. we hadn't seen each other in 2 years, so it was really awesome to reconnect and catch up with her.

while up in black mountain and asheville, i hung out with my sister, brother, sister-in-law, baby niece and several friends. we went to the Asheville Tourist's thirsty-Thursday baseball game. we hosted a clothes-swap with 17 women & clothes from 21 women, we went to a wedding, and we hosted a 6-hour-long cook-out up at our mountain house. it was an awesome long memorial weekend, and it was so great to be with so many friends and family!




then Felica dropped me back off at the CLT airport, and I flew back to SF for only 2 nights before heading to Flint, MI, for a playground Design Day meeting... finally, i have a new project, but I have mixed feelings about the whole thing... suffice it to say, I'm excited about working in Flint, but I still don't feel good about being left out of the game for so long.

after my short trip to Flint, I came back to SF for what ended up being an amazing weekend with my Alaskan friend named Ra... then, just last week, I Seconded for another project manager's playground build just outside of Memphis, TN. the weather was great, i got my sweet-tea fix, i drove by Graceland & through downtown Memphis, and the playground build went really well... but I suffered from a cold and a urinary tract infection all week. once I finally got home to SF, I went to the UCSF urgent care clinic to get a prescription for antibiotics... now, i'm much better but my back still hurts a bit. regardless, i have to go into work tomorrow... ughh. monday

st. louis

this week in st. louis has been great! we celebrated Erica's birthday on wednesday with some great Lebanese food. we had a perfect (but cold!) prep day 1 today. we've been enjoying the comforts of this nice little bed and breakfast. we visited an amazing glass exhibit by Chihuly in the Missouri Botantical Gardens. we went out for my first "bubble tea" experience. and we don't have really any work to do today (before the playground build on Saturday)... it's been a nice break from the normal, that's for sure.

... then, after our build, we went to this kick-ass (displaced) Brazilian restaurant there. go check it out!

how weird

in true san francisco spirit, my new roommate eileen and i went to the How Weird Street Faire last Sunday in full costume... or, well, at least I was pimpin' it with good style; eileen wasn't too sure about the wig that she wore into the festival, so she abandoned it.

time flies

wow. i'm such a slacker when it comes to blogging. i've just been busy with other things, i guess... what? well, let me see.

right after my birthday, i went back to NC for a quick visit with family and friends (in Boone and Asheville) before heading to a staff retreat in Lewisburg, PA (at Playworld Systems, Inc). my trip home was great, especially seeing my adorable baby niece...

the week after that, though, was only okay. i wasn't fully present at our staff retreat because i was too distracted by my past trials and my current ambiguity within the organization... suffice it to say that i went through an emotional rollercoaster last winter and then i was mandated a break from what i was hired to do -- manage projects. after that i began questioning my role and my ability to stay with the organization... since this last mental/emotional relapse, i've had other work-related problems: my computer died 2 wks ago and i've been completely distracted by trying to set up a new system... the whole ordeal has helped me put things into perspective, though. in the end, none of this really matters. so what if i've lost 13 GB of music, 30+ hours worth of work, and 2 years worth of old emails, email addresses and pictures. it's not the end of the world, right?

well anyway, besides all those major distractions, i've had the pleasure of doing Pilates with Hahva Neff, traveling to the Mississippi gulf coast and to the Florida west coast to build playgrounds, hosting Corey Belt for a few days in SF, seeing some free bluegrass at Amnesia, and... i can't remember what else. this week, i'm throwing a housewarming party for my 2 new roommates (Eileen and David), going to the How Weird Street Festival in SF, and traveling to St. Louis, MO, to build a playground.

birthday

Thanks to all my die-hard fans for making it out to my B-day party last Sunday (March 19). (Thanks especially to my roommate for making a delicious ghirardelli cake!)... I didn't feel like it was "my day" until everyone was there standing around me, wishing me well and warming my heart... I guess I was sort of in denial that I'd turned a year older. ugh. 27.

plus, I'd just gotten back from building another great playground in Tucson, AZ, the day before. so I was a little exhausted from that, too.

paradise

i just got back from 7 days in paradise: West Coast, Jamaica. it was so wonderful to relax on the cliffs, drink Blue Mountain coffee, smoke spliffs and take it easy mon... and so glorious to swim in the clear streams of the YS (above) and the crystal clear ocean waters of Negril, to cruise up the "cliffs road" on a scooter, to stop in humble bars, amazing little restaurants, artisan/tourist shops and an organic rasta-food shack (for veggie/pumpkin soup, festival, beans & rice), to bathe in the mineral springs of Roaring River, to hear reggae everywhere in the air, to take music (guitar, shaker, harmonica & flute) with us everywhere we went (thanks to Honza), to attend the Sheffield Church of the Brethren (for the culture of it), and to watch the sunset and the moonset every night we were there.

time slows down there. i took deeper breaths, caught a mellow mood and felt irie, mon. i miss it -- i miss the air, the water, the sun, the people, the food & drink, the music and the new friends. my heart goes out to you, Greg, Valrie, Janet, Rusty, Honza, Ashley, Jakub, Kiersa and Bob. thank you for the journey and the love.

dave chappelle, mos def and erykah badu

... were amazing (especially front row and center at SF's Warfield). nuff said.

can't wait to check out his Block Party movie.