solid ground

the last couple weeks have been okay. i helped another project manager build a playground in ogden, utah, and we had a lot of fun gettin to know the area (around salt lake city). then, last week i built in redding, ca, with the help of my superviser, and we had fun with the volunteers and playground installers... our site in redding was super rocky, and we had several technical/construction issues come up. it was really challenging, but i survived... our volunteers were great and, surprisingly, they didn't complain about anything (a bit rare in this job). overall, it was a good build, but i was super hard on myself about things. unfortunately, i sometimes let the littlest things get in the way of my well-being, and then i feel like i have no solid ground beneath me.

over the last couple of days, i've started to feel the earth again, but my heart is still unpleasantly distracting me. here's the thing: i'm officially on my own again, and i'm trying hard to recenter my inner love and embrace my independence. it's especially hard because he was so cool and i felt such a strong connection between us. oh well. i guess timing IS everything.

reflection

this week was beautiful here in SF, and smoothe sailing on my biking commute to work. right now, i'm sitting at the Atlas Cafe (near my house in the Mission), and the sky is threatening to release it's moisture over the plastic canopy of this patio. yesterday, my boss, co-worker and i went to happy hour for margaritas, and later i met up with a former co-worker for a lil' dancin at Milk (in the Haight). the day before, i met up with two former co-workers at the Zeitgeist for some beers and tamales. (it was my first time there.) wednesday, i went to a much-needed yoga session, which helped me recenter my emotionally-distracted heart. it was a good challenge to have Noah accompany me to the class, because i'm realizing that my relationships can sometimes throw me off track and get my emotions all tied up into knots. i recognize that i need to focus on my own path, amid others' wayward journeys through life. to cope, here are my current mantras:

(1) timing can feel like our worst enemy but really it's our saving grace.
(2) we must honor ourselves and respect others always.
(3) at the end of the day, we are all we've got in life.

this is not to say that i don't love everyone (b/c i do especially if they let me in) but it is a type of defense mechanism for life... i guess that's the cancer in me... or maybe it's the self-reflective, self-protective, honest, over-observant, heart-filled, introverted and independent part of me that needs a good booty-shakin on the dance floor or another surreal, out-of-body experience in a House of God and/or out on the Playa to get me back on board.

dinner and a movie

ate some tasty lettuce wraps, pan fried noddles w/ prawn and curried chicken at Le Cheval (an awesome French-Vietnamese restaurant in Downtown Oakland) last night with Noah. the food was delish, the company tambien... then we met up with two friends to see Million Dollar Baby... i have to say, i enjoyed the film but i expected a little more for some reason. i guess that's hollywood for ya.

santa cruz

i finally got out of town for a trip (other than for work). i went with my new friend, Noah, to visit his friends in Santa Cruz. we drove down Highway 1 and visited his old stomping grounds (undergrad). we also visited Cafe Brasil, the Mark Abbott Memorial Lighthouse (an old little surfer's museum), the cliffs and park nearby, UC-Santa Cruz, and a fun climbing tree on campus there... i had a great time. i only wish i could hold onto that good feeling forever.