the gravity of judgment

since our arrival in Indochina, there's one thought that continues to surface in my mind: our human tendency to place judgment on others -- whether good, bad or indifferent.

maybe this reoccurring thought comes from the fact that many people seem to "judge" us by our outward appearances (young backpacking women of european decent, just like all the other hordes of travelers) and take advantage of our innocence/ignorance (treating us as if we have lots of money, hungrily seeking us out to get more $ out of us, generally over-charging us for everything, under serving us what they'd normally give to locals for the same price, etc)... or maybe the "judgement" comes from the language barrier here that prevents us from seeking personal answers to our curious questions. maybe it comes from our assumptions about different people groups, their traditions & their socio-cultural behaviors... or maybe it comes from our own mix of observations, circumstances, personal encounters, habits, fears, layers of memory, philosophies, belief systems, and/or cultural context.

wherever these thoughts come from, the truth is that human beings have the tendency to judge one another... we're all guilty of it, whether we admit it or not... it's part of how we operate, perceive, relate to & understand the world around us. it defines the undefinable, provides guidelines, promotes awareness, controls knowledge, gives us comfort, keeps us safe, forms our traditions, tests our philosophies, supports our beliefs, and shapes our lives... however, the gravity of judgment can also lead to danger -- blinding us from the truth, unjustly drawing biased conclusions about others, destructing our confidence, unequally dispersing power, spreading fear & disgust, making us unnecessarily defensive/offensive, formulating hypocritical attitudes & exclusive behavior toward others, corrupting our potential, deceiving us from living purely positive lives, and preventing us from truly loving & accepting one another as fellow human beings.

therefore, in order to address this profoundly instinctive habit, we really need to cease from judging others all together. "For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged" (Matt 7:1-2, NLT).

this leads me to recall 4 surprising observations in which God reminded me that it's not my place to judge others.

(1) Buddhist monks & novices are everywhere here, and they are easily visible -- cloaked in bright, simple, modest saffron-colored robes. they are so respected & revered that they receive alms every morning from locals (in a very ceremonial sort of way), they receive donations from just about any business they want (including restaurants, Internet cafes & even elephant riding places), they have right of way on public transportation (next to the elderly & handicapped), and they aren't ever supposed to be touched by or be left alone with a woman (although a monk asked for my number once at the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh, and several younger monks sat next to me at the beach in Muang Ngoi so i got them to teach me a little Lao).

basically, they have special privileges, and people don't ever question their actions/behaviors. however, apparently, they can still have fun with their friends -- riding bikes, spinning Chinese tops in the yard of their wat, participating in the annual water-throwing fights during the Thai New Year in April... or hiding on the riverbank to smoke a cigarette?? well, maybe those novices weren't really novices. after all, some kids supposedly dress up as novices/monks in order to take advantage of the generous system with no questions asked (according to the warnings in our guidebook anyway). but what about the older monks that we've seen blatantly smoking cigarettes? aren't they breaking one of the main precepts (or at least one of the 250+ precepts) that Buddhist monks are supposed to follow?... my revered perception of monks was beginning to deteriorate.

the tradition is still very respectable, though... we've been told that nearly every Indochinese boy becomes a novice at some point in their lives (either to fulfill their socio-cultural obligation, to lessen the economic burden on their parents, to seek a free education, to learn & supposedly live out the religious precepts of their forefathers, or perhaps to do it because everyone else is doing it). however, not all of them actually enter into full monk hood. of those who become monks, a very small percentage remain committed for their entire lives. we met several monks that "quit" after several years because they wanted to "live life on the outside." we met one that became so disillusioned by the "business" of the religion (cleansing this house or that tree, casting out spirits, managing the coin-slot fortune telling machines, blessing this business or that Buddha statue). he also told us that the further up the ladder you go as a monk the more rules/precepts there were to follow -- making it nearly impossible to maintain them all as perfectly & tirelessly as you're supposed to in order to reach enlightenment. there was no promise in that way of living/being, he explained... but that is not what the majority wants to believe. they want to believe that if they do X, Y & Z (namely give alms, pray ritualistically, set up a spirit house out front, pay a monk to bless you, make a trip down to the local shrine or temple to make offerings or to add a gold leaf onto one of the Buddha statues), then they'll be safe for the time being or in their next life. tradition is what seems to give them hope, but how frail is that to place your hope in this "luck," these earthly practices, or this temporary state of being?... my understanding of Buddhism began to fall through the cracks of human imperfection, individualism, indifference, detachment, & desperation. Buddhism is a wonderfully positive philosophy, but that's all it is -- a philosophy & a way of being... not a spirituality with any hope or true promise of life or of reaching that final perfection. in fact, i'm sure Buddha wouldn't have wanted humans to gravitate to this false/superficial way of practicing his philosophy. (some Christians have the same problem following what Christ taught.)

so what about these monks & novices? what are their intentions? are they just living out a tradition? are they really practicing this philosophy? are they serving as pawns for the rest of the people who are hoping to buy their way into the next life? how many of them come for the free handouts? how many just want an education? how many are pressured by their families? how many of them last until monk hood? how many of them are truly able to maintain that perfect balance? and for how long?... these questions may never be answered, because no one can ask monks these sorts of questions. we can be curious, but there's no need to stop or judge the practice. that's not our job.

(2) it's common to see Western men marry Thai women, but not all of them marry for the same reasons. unfortunately, the strong social stigma around them presupposes that they come out of the sex industry or some mail-order-bride place, that they marry out of desperation, and/or that there's a sad story behind it all. while some of this might be true about some couples, it's definitely not true about all of them. they might be mutually helping each other out. they might have found love at first sight (something Thai men aren't accustomed to pursuing). they might have met under normal circumstances where sparks fly and romance fills the air. they might truly love each other... who knows, but it's not our place to judge them or exclude them from leading a happy life. at first though, i have to admit, i saw so many "bar girls" in Pattaya desperately calling out to western men and walking off with them arm in arm that my mind tended to jump to conclusions about all the other similarly mixed-race couples i saw... but then i met a few couples that didn't fit that stereotype, that didn't seem all that sleazy, that had a wonderfully mutual partnership, and that had so much love to share that it was contagious. these couples challenged my previous misconceptions and reminded me that we should never judge anything by its cover. only God knows our true intentions.

(3) speaking of people's intentions, throughout our travels heather & i have had to become a bit hardened to a world tainted by tourism. so many people try to take advantage of us (white American women) that we constantly feel on the defensive, fighting for a better price, and/or burnt by their dishonesty. in Africa & India, it wasn't so bad because we learned how to negotiate with them, but Indochina is different. as a foreigner, you have to expect that they'll start 3-5 times the asking price (or more), and they usually don't come down too much. also, in many cases, things are either non-negotiable or vendors seem offended by your negotiating.

so about a week ago we rented a motorbike for the day in Luang Namtha. we had a great day exploring the area, but at the very end, we took a very tiny spill on the bike, broke one of the side mirrors and damaged the plastic cover near the mirror. we instantly worried about how much the damage would cost, and we jumped to conclusions that the owners would try to take advantage of us... to make a long story short, they were totally fair & honest about the whole situation... we left it to God to sort it out, to help us humbly face the owners, and to keep them honest. it could have been worse -- they could have been deeply offended by the transaction, but everything went smooth and they didn't try to cheat us.

(4) in fact, the Indochinese (particularly Thai) get offended by the most random things sometimes. it's no surprise that there are different social & behavioral norms in every country 'round the world, but some things i just don't understand, so i try to just add them to my memory bank without placing any definitive judgment on them... like it's okay to pick your nose in public but never pick your teeth without covering your mouth with your other hand. also, a married couple can not show any affection publicly, which includes walking down the street hand in hand. finally, you should never ever step over someone or touch someone on the head or feet. in fact, you should also never sit on a pillow meant for the head either... actually, it's interesting to notice the unspoken respect people have for each other's personal space. it's no wonder Americans like Thailand so much.

finally, considering all the "dangers" of judgment, i realize i just need to be aware of the fine line that exists between leading an innocent life with eyes & hearts wide open and leading a prejudicial life with selfish fixed lenses of the world... let's call this fine line the "gray area" of our "free will." we use our judgment or our "free will" to choose between good & bad, right & wrong, happiness & despair, the safe & the unsafe, the holding on & the letting go... but it's not always that easy to choose or see the difference. life is not always defined by contrasts, so there's that gray area that makes it difficult for us to use our judgment... that's when we have to shake free the gravity of judgment and rely on our intuition, our nurtured learning, our abilities, our surroundings, and the One that ties it all together.

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness*