quality time

our time with friends and family is short, but it's definitely been Quality.

we've gathered for dinner with friends on several occasions. we've gone rollerskating at Tarwheels and dancing at Broadways for 80's night. we enjoyed a random traveling gypsy "circus" in the River District as well as this summer's first Friday after Five in Asheville. we've hosted a women's clothes swap/potluck, a wine club, a bon voyage party/grill-out, and a full house sleepover (9 guests passing through + 4 of us housemates)... just to name a few things.

most importantly, however, this week we're spending some good Quality time with family. my parents just rolled in town from CT for their summer in NC, and my brother, sister-in-law and 2 1/2 y.o. niece are spending as much time as they can with us, too... oh how i'll miss them all.

in the meantime, we're still trying to check off our lists and get everything done, but we're gettin' there... if we forget anything, oh well. i know we'll survive... it'll be nice to finally get going though. i'm starting to get excited now.

sure, it'll be amazing, but...

i've been mulling over this for a long time... i don't have an answer, yet, but i figured that it'd be good to post this as a testimony of how deeply i'm thinking about this trip and how challenging i know it will be.

here's the big question: what are we doing, what are we saying and who are we to go on this big long trip around the world? we are 2 young, white, middle class, American women who are privileged enough to take off and take advantage of our mobility, our freedom and our heritage to come & go through people's lives and to deepen those already well-worn tourist paths, etc... how dare we. it seems so oppressive. i feel so ashamed... in fact, this has been the source of a lot of my anxiety and doubt about the trip.

however, despite all this mental, emotional and spiritual turmoil around the trip, God has opened doors and made incredible connections for us already, so at least i've been able to find a certain peace about everything. plus, there's no sense in shying away from the opportunity we have to see the world, to do good will, to spread compassion, to share the love and to be ambassadors of the life!

questioning the purpose our trip is like questioning the purpose of life--it's rather difficult until it's experienced. plus, with all the negative things going on everywhere, there's no point in being overly cynical... and who better to pass through the world than a pair of compassionate women like us. in fact, a really great friend of ours recently told us that because of who we are there's no doubt that we would do good and make great ambassadors everywhere we go.

inspiration on the fridge

i don't know the story behind it, but i just noticed this new little magnet on our fridge and thought i'd share it with the world... supposedly it's an "apache blessing."

may the sun
bring you new energy by day,
may the moon
softly restore you by night,
may the rain
wash away your worries,
may the breeze
blow new strength into your being.
may you walk
gently through the world and know
its beauty all the days of your life.

booking our trip

i've been home about 2.5 weeks now, and we've only got 3 weeks to go. i'm still working out all the details around our trip, but at least i finally lined up our RTW tickets (through United and the Star Alliance). now, i've got to concentrate on lining up our Insurance (travel & health).

it's been slow to get everything together and going, because i had mixed emotions about the timing of this trip and whatnot... but now i'm feeling a lot better and more excited about things. however, i'm still not absolutely sure about how long i'll travel with heather. either i'll continue with her for a few more months into new zealand and australia, or i'll leave her in southern china and go back home, in which case i'd go to the SW pacific later... oh, decisions, decisions.

working on the floors

most of last week i spent time up at my brother's place in banner elk and helped him take out their carpet and replace it with this flooring... it was brutal on my hands and knees, but it looked so good by the end.

being home

last week, on my way home from my brother's book events in Durham, i couldn't wait to drive up our driveway, open the door, take a deep breath, rest and be thankful... that's actually the name of our mountain house: Rest and Be Thankful... here's the view from our porch.

so it's been 4 months since i moved out of my place in SF, but that's not the only reason it's nice to be home. it will feel good to be somewhat settled (for the next 4-5 weeks), but it will also feel realy good to see some friends, go on hikes, enjoy the early summer here and hang out at our place. plus, asheville is a fun place to be, and black mountain is a chill place to live.

while home, though, i've got a lot to do for our trip and for getting our house ready to be vacated for a very long time... i'm trying not to get too bogged down in all that. i just have to take it one day at a time.

yesterday, for example, i went on a nice 2-hr hike with a friend along the East Ridge Trail in Montreat today. it was gorgeous. there were beautiful flowers out, like Mountain Loral, Flaming Azaleas, Rhododendrons and other random wildflowers. i also felt a little nostalgic 'cause i used to maintain trails and lead public hikes in Montreat -- the summers of 1998 and 2002.

today, i'm taking time to research and write. tonight, we're hosting a women's clothes swap and potluck... speaking of which, i've gotta run.

mission profile

recently, i filled out some paperwork for a mission that we're visiting in Africa. there were some interesting questions that made me think, remember, reflect and have to define, so i thought i'd share.

Personality Profile:

Describe how OTHERS view your personality.
I’m very independent, but I don’t hesitate to ask for help and I value the strengths of others. I’m determined but very open-minded. I’m organized, and I can empower others to get organized. I’m very diligent and detail-oriented, and I take my time to get things right. I’m not super outgoing, comical or boisterous; I’m much more observant, introspective, and reserved, especially in groups over 5 people. I do better one-on-one with folks, but I’m very capable of talking in front of very large groups, too.

Describe your STRENGTHS.
Organization, construction, spatial perception, sense of direction, planning, listening, diversity awareness, cultural sensitivity, community empowerment, basic computer knowledge, learning quickly, and having emotion.

Describe your WEAKNESSES.
Emotion, awareness of others, intervention, being in a rush, self-criticism, and impatience with those who don’t recognize their weaknesses and/or their affect on others.

Personal Spiritual Information:
(... an intriguing profile category, no?)

Describe your present spiritual journey :
It ebbs and flows, but I know I’ll be on the path as long as I’m alive.

Why do you feel God is calling you to serve this way?
I feel the calling to protect & support my sister on this world trip, to help others in whatever capacity I can along the way, and to further develop my gifts of community organizing, diversity awareness, and massage therapy (& other alternative healing methods).

What expectations do you have for this trip?
I expect to be challenged, to grow and to learn from others, and, in turn, I hope to exchange experiences, knowledge and love with all those I encounter.

What cross-cultural experiences have you had other than mission trips? (ministry/business/background/educational)
2 6-wk trips to Europe when my father did “pulpit-exchange” ministries, 1 year as a Rotary Youth Exchange Student (Brazil), 2-month trip through Europe w/ my sister, 6-wk summer study abroad to Ecuador (UNC-Asheville), 2-wk trip through Peru (w/ the W.K. Kellogg Foundation), 5-month semester study abroad to Brazil (through the School for International Training & UNC-Chapel Hill), and multiple “domestic” cross-cultural experience while working for KaBOOM!.

spontaneous good times

my last weekend in San Francisco ended up being really incredible. i spent real quality time with my closest friends there, and i took each random opportunity to hang out with them as a much-needed blessing to free myself from my own mind and heartbreak.

thurs: my brother's Seeing Beyond Salon party.
fri: lunch w/ Rhea, then over to Jen's place and out w/ her & Sebastian to the Supper Club.
sat: Joel helped my pack my bike for shipping, then we all went to see Bjork at the Shoreline Amphitheathre.
sun: roamed around Noe Valley with Kirstin & Grant, went to an underground punk show with them, and spent the night over at their beautiful little cabin in the woods in Canyon.
mon: packed my bags and had a wonderful dinner with Mardie, Caleb and Steve at Coco500.
tues: Caleb took me to the OAK airport at 4:30 in the morning! and my brother & Brian picked me up at RDU around 5 pm.

it's so wonderful to be pleasantly reminded and surprised that i have friends that care about and love me deeply... this weekend was exactly what i needed, and i couldn't have asked for anything more... thank God for friends.

the beautiful sky

"At sunset look to the west and the waxing crescent Moon and the planet Venus will be within one degree of each other, being the two brightest objects in the evening sky."

what a beautiful site last night... and how amazing it would be if we all suspended our earthly possessions, attachments, assumptions, thoughts and emotions for a few peaceful moments... basking in the light of this distant cosmic dance: the crescent moon escorted by venus... in motion, alone, always changing, as they are, unaffected by others, and possibly unnoticed by most... much like how we are as organic beings. connected by the heavens.

finding peace

it's funny how quickly emotions can lead us astray. shortly after my previous post, i began to slowly spiral downward in anticipation of my departure... or, rather, as a reaction to this incredibly huge decision set before me: to leave or not to leave.

why was i wavering? for one thing, my sister & i haven't bought our RTW tickets, yet, but also i guess i was somehow waiting for a sign to confirm my decision either way...

an endless stream of life-altering questions flows through my mind. what am i doing? what could i be throwing away? is this the end or will it come full circle? would it be a mistake to stay or to go?

the only thing i have to hold on to is the faith that this feeling of devastation will pass and that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to... but there's no sense in hanging on to the unknown right now. i've only got this one precious life to live, and i'm taking a huge bold leap to claim it for myself... God willing.

"We had definitely committed ourselves
and were halfway out of our ruts.
We had put down our passage money
-- booked a sailing to Bombay.
This may sound too simple,
but is great in consequence.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
there is one elementary truth
the ignorance of which kills
countless ideas and splendid plans:
that the moment one definitely commits oneself,
providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor
all manner of unforeseen incidents,
meetings and material assistance
which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!"

Excerpt from The Scottish Himalaya Expedition [1951]

silent meditations & sweet reflections

time stood still while on the 10-day vipassana retreat, and now it's flying by while visiting alaska again...

first, the retreat:
it was so amazing, fulfilling, transforming and intense (more than 10 years of counseling or therapy). that's what over 100 hours of sitting in silent meditation will do to someone that works patiently and persistently at this incredibly healing universal method... however, it's not for everyone. it takes a lot of self-determination and strong-will to complete the course, but it is well worth it. i highly recommend it.

so it's been about 3 weeks since the retreat, "Do i still feel a difference?" absolutely but the initial empowered feeling is fading a little. like any practice, it's really hard to maintain amidst our everyday realities, especially when our emotions, fears and wants get in the way... nevertheless, i definitely find myself letting go of things, not reacting as quickly, trying to change the patterns in my mind, and generally feeling happier... bottom line: it helps me put things in a much better perspective.

now, my visit to anchorage:
i have tried to do something everyday... whether it's cooking, yoga, church, the slush cup, frisbee golf, chipping the golf ball in the backyard, dinner with friends, movies, biking around the 'hood, riding the bus, salsa dancing lessons, hiking or cleaning, it's just nice to be here... although, sometimes i sense that my inevitable departure for NC and then around the world is difficult for me to swallow.

words of encouragement: a letter from a friend

Dear Hope,
We understand from your brother that you are going to attend the ten days vipassana meditation course. We are excited and happy for you and sending you encouragement. Having tried and experimented with many forms of inner transformational and spiritual work, we have experienced the pratice of vipassana to be one of the most useful and good tool for our lives. We know you will gain great insight and clarity for your life and be benefitted by the practice of meditation.
We imagine you may scared thinking about doing something you don't know for 10 days and there may be a temptation to withdraw or second guess yourself. It therefore takes courage to discover the strength you have wished for. So, we wish you a wondeful course and may you be happy on your journey.
With love...

Animator_vs_Animation

simple yet innovative computer animation at work... cute.

Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

way too much time online

i am continually amazed by how much time and energy people spend online... from technocrats to myspacers to bloggers, it's a little ridiculous. i'm rather tired of it all, and i don't want to lose myself in it... you see, as of late, i'm just as guilty of it... doing a bunch of online marketing for my brother's new book... anyway, it's easy to get sucked in, to compare pages & profiles, to forget how to directly interact with others, and to waste endless amounts of time on it all... it's sad, really... i definitely think we all need to take a serious break from it all. otherwise, at this rate, where will we be in 5, 10, 20 years from now? with microchip implants in our brains or something? it's like we're mutating into cylons. (did anyone see this week's season finale of battlestar galactica? crazy.) i mean i know for a fact that there are a LOT of good, progressive, interactive online communities out there, but i'm just worried about those folks that aren't necessarily doing something positive with their time online.

so these are some of the many reasons i'm taking a break from the world and participating in a 10-day vipassana (silent meditation) retreat near yosemite at the beginning of april.

... btw, one cool hybrid of online and offline communities is SF Zero, which hosts real world "tasks" and creates community online too... in fact, my brother posted an innovative task in conjunction with his recently published book Seeing Beyond Sight. check it out and join his myspace page. (how's that for an ironic twist... encouraging you to extend your time online.)

unconditional love

after a red-eye flight back to SF from AK and then a day-long trip cross-country to SC, i spent a week visiting my sister, brother, sister-in-law, baby niece and mom (who also came down for a visit from CT). it was like a mini-family-reunion. i loved it... it's amazing to have such a supportive family with unconditional love, open-arms, and generous, genuine care for one another, even if i'm down and out about something.

unfortunately, however, i've realized that i pretty much expect everyone else to be capable of the same sort of behavior. is that wrong to hope or assume about the world? i know that everyone is effected by different things and has had different experiences in life, but what would happen if everyone relinquished all fear and embraced genuine love for each other? what would the world be like? it almost doesn't seem possible to even imagine.

anyway, speaking of the world... our travel plans are coming along, but we need to get into high gear. my sister is doing some fundraising as well as some investigating into 'round-the-world plane tickets. i’m supposed to figure out all the other travel logistics, like visas, travel between countries, places to stay and website stuff... all very time consuming and easy to procrastinate on.

in fact, i'm dragging my feet a little because i've had some serious mixed emotions about the trip... the length of it (constantly on the road), the extreme self-awareness (for our safety), the fighting for rates on everything from cab fares to basic information, the anti-americanism everywhere, the sticking out like a sore thumb as 2 white american women with backpacks... and, to top it off, the sacrifice in leaving my beloved behind for so long. am i selfish to go and make him wait anyway? shouldn't i just have faith that everything will work out for the best? i'm trying to listen to my heart, maintain a balance with my mind, discern what's right, and let go and let God... that's one of the several reasons why i signed up for a 10-day vipassana retreat near yosemite: to clear my mind of all this mental chatter and to more clearly make the right decisions.