Sunday, May 27, 2007

being home

last week, on my way home from my brother's book events in Durham, i couldn't wait to drive up our driveway, open the door, take a deep breath, rest and be thankful... that's actually the name of our mountain house: Rest and Be Thankful... here's the view from our porch.

so it's been 4 months since i moved out of my place in SF, but that's not the only reason it's nice to be home. it will feel good to be somewhat settled (for the next 4-5 weeks), but it will also feel realy good to see some friends, go on hikes, enjoy the early summer here and hang out at our place. plus, asheville is a fun place to be, and black mountain is a chill place to live.

while home, though, i've got a lot to do for our trip and for getting our house ready to be vacated for a very long time... i'm trying not to get too bogged down in all that. i just have to take it one day at a time.

yesterday, for example, i went on a nice 2-hr hike with a friend along the East Ridge Trail in Montreat today. it was gorgeous. there were beautiful flowers out, like Mountain Loral, Flaming Azaleas, Rhododendrons and other random wildflowers. i also felt a little nostalgic 'cause i used to maintain trails and lead public hikes in Montreat -- the summers of 1998 and 2002.

today, i'm taking time to research and write. tonight, we're hosting a women's clothes swap and potluck... speaking of which, i've gotta run.

mission profile

recently, i filled out some paperwork for a mission that we're visiting in Africa. there were some interesting questions that made me think, remember, reflect and have to define, so i thought i'd share.

Personality Profile:

Describe how OTHERS view your personality.
I’m very independent, but I don’t hesitate to ask for help and I value the strengths of others. I’m determined but very open-minded. I’m organized, and I can empower others to get organized. I’m very diligent and detail-oriented, and I take my time to get things right. I’m not super outgoing, comical or boisterous; I’m much more observant, introspective, and reserved, especially in groups over 5 people. I do better one-on-one with folks, but I’m very capable of talking in front of very large groups, too.

Describe your STRENGTHS.
Organization, construction, spatial perception, sense of direction, planning, listening, diversity awareness, cultural sensitivity, community empowerment, basic computer knowledge, learning quickly, and having emotion.

Describe your WEAKNESSES.
Emotion, awareness of others, intervention, being in a rush, self-criticism, and impatience with those who don’t recognize their weaknesses and/or their affect on others.

Personal Spiritual Information:
(... an intriguing profile category, no?)

Describe your present spiritual journey :
It ebbs and flows, but I know I’ll be on the path as long as I’m alive.

Why do you feel God is calling you to serve this way?

I feel the calling to protect & support my sister on this world trip, to help others in whatever capacity I can along the way, and to further develop my gifts of community organizing, diversity awareness, and massage therapy (& other alternative healing methods).

What expectations do you have for this trip?
I expect to be challenged, to grow and to learn from others, and, in turn, I hope to exchange experiences, knowledge and love with all those I encounter.

What cross-cultural experiences have you had other than mission trips? (ministry/business/background/educational)
2 6-wk trips to Europe when my father did “pulpit-exchange” ministries, 1 year as a Rotary Youth Exchange Student (Brazil), 2-month trip through Europe w/ my sister, 6-wk summer study abroad to Ecuador (UNC-Asheville), 2-wk trip through Peru (w/ the W.K. Kellogg Foundation), 5-month semester study abroad to Brazil (through the School for International Training & UNC-Chapel Hill), and multiple “domestic” cross-cultural experience while working for KaBOOM!.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

spontaneous good times

my last weekend in San Francisco ended up being really incredible. i spent real quality time with my closest friends there, and i took each random opportunity to hang out with them as a much-needed blessing to free myself from my own mind and heartbreak.

thurs: my brother's Seeing Beyond Salon party.
fri: lunch w/ Rhea, then over to Jen's place and out w/ her & Sebastian to the Supper Club.
sat: Joel helped my pack my bike for shipping, then we all went to see Bjork at the Shoreline Amphitheathre.
sun: roamed around Noe Valley with Kirstin & Grant, went to an underground punk show with them, and spent the night over at their beautiful little cabin in the woods in Canyon.
mon: packed my bags and had a wonderful dinner with Mardie, Caleb and Steve at Coco500.
tues: Caleb took me to the OAK airport at 4:30 in the morning! and my brother & Brian picked me up at RDU around 5 pm.

it's so wonderful to be pleasantly reminded and surprised that i have friends that care about and love me deeply... this weekend was exactly what i needed, and i couldn't have asked for anything more... thank God for friends.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

the beautiful sky


"At sunset look to the west and the waxing crescent Moon and the planet Venus will be within one degree of each other, being the two brightest objects in the evening sky."

what a beautiful site last night... and how amazing it would be if we all suspended our earthly possessions, attachments, assumptions, thoughts and emotions for a few peaceful moments... basking in the light of this distant cosmic dance: the crescent moon escorted by venus... in motion, alone, always changing, as they are, unaffected by others, and possibly unnoticed by most... much like how we are as organic beings. connected by the heavens.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

finding peace

it's funny how quickly emotions can lead us astray. shortly after my previous post, i began to slowly spiral downward in anticipation of my departure... or, rather, as a reaction to this incredibly huge decision set before me: to leave or not to leave.

why was i wavering? for one thing, my sister & i haven't bought our RTW tickets, yet, but also i guess i was somehow waiting for a sign to confirm my decision either way...

an endless stream of life-altering questions flows through my mind. what am i doing? what could i be throwing away? is this the end or will it come full circle? would it be a mistake to stay or to go?

the only thing i have to hold on to is the faith that this feeling of devastation will pass and that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to... but there's no sense in hanging on to the unknown right now. i've only got this one precious life to live, and i'm taking a huge bold leap to claim it for myself... God willing.

"We had definitely committed ourselves
and were halfway out of our ruts.
We had put down our passage money
-- booked a sailing to Bombay.
This may sound too simple,
but is great in consequence.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,
the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation),
there is one elementary truth
the ignorance of which kills
countless ideas and splendid plans:
that the moment one definitely commits oneself,
providence moves too.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor
all manner of unforeseen incidents,
meetings and material assistance
which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!
"

Excerpt from The Scottish Himalaya Expedition [1951]

Friday, May 04, 2007

silent meditations & sweet reflections

time stood still while on the 10-day vipassana retreat, and now it's flying by while visiting alaska again...

first, the retreat:
it was so amazing, fulfilling, transforming and intense (more than 10 years of counseling or therapy). that's what over 100 hours of sitting in silent meditation will do to someone that works patiently and persistently at this incredibly healing universal method... however, it's not for everyone. it takes a lot of self-determination and strong-will to complete the course, but it is well worth it. i highly recommend it.

so it's been about 3 weeks since the retreat, "Do i still feel a difference?" absolutely but the initial empowered feeling is fading a little. like any practice, it's really hard to maintain amidst our everyday realities, especially when our emotions, fears and wants get in the way... nevertheless, i definitely find myself letting go of things, not reacting as quickly, trying to change the patterns in my mind, and generally feeling happier... bottom line: it helps me put things in a much better perspective.

now, my visit to anchorage:
i have tried to do something everyday... whether it's cooking, yoga, church, the slush cup, frisbee golf, chipping the golf ball in the backyard, dinner with friends, movies, biking around the 'hood, riding the bus, salsa dancing lessons, hiking or cleaning, it's just nice to be here... although, sometimes i sense that my inevitable departure for NC and then around the world is difficult for me to swallow.